When you want to say NO… but don’t

Most of us learned young that you don’t say no. 

➡️ Your parents told you to do something, and you couldn’t say no or you would get in trouble.

➡️ If someone liked you in high school you were told “if you say no be sensitive so you don’t hurt their feelings”

➡️ Your teachers told you to do homework or you wouldn’t get good grades.

➡️ If all of your friends wanted to go out, but you wanted to stay in, you felt the social pressure to do what the group wanted. 

Time and time again we were taught to value someone else’s needs over our own and avoid conflict.  

No wonder it’s hard to utter that tiny two letter word. 

We don’t want to disappoint our clients, start an argument with our spouse or have a friend gossip about how horrible we are behind our back. 

We avoid saying NO to avoid conflict, but it has a huge cost.

It costs us ease, happiness and control of our lives.

It frequently leads to frustration, burnout and to full on blow-ups at those we love.

So how can we hold space for ourselves and begin to say NO to things that aren’t in alignment with our desires? 

Start by knowing what your rules are.

If for example you dread going to your in-law’s house, create rules around it. 

When are you willing to go?

How long are you willing to stay?

What topics do you want to steer clear of? 

These simple rules will help you stay centered when your in-laws begin to push your boundaries with coming for a visit. 

Sometimes it can be difficult to come up with these rules for ourselves. 

If this is feeling aligned and you know it’s time to set rules and boundaries in the areas that are draining you, message me and let’s talk.